This isn't really awesome...

... but I need to vent anyhow.

Two nights ago, one of my colleagues, and friend, died suddenly and tragically. My supervisor found out from a phone call from the school when someone recognized his name from a news item and came to tell us. I wasn't in the office at the time but when I came in, I knew something was wrong. There were 4 people in my office, one of whom was on the phone and looking teary. Immediately, I thought to myself, "Who died?" I was thinking that it was someone's family member, but it turned out to be someone from our family.

I cannot get out of my head how I was told the news. Everyone was staring at me, I was told later that they didn't know how to tell me, but one person just decided to say it as there was no right way to tell someone such sad news. She said it so plainly, and I stared back blankly because I didn't know how to react. Even at this moment, it still hasn't sunk in yet. However, I am now grateful to have found out from someone rather than through the e-mail that our supervisor sent to us.

We've had the luxury of being able to talk to each other about him and about the situation. As depressing as it is, it has been cathartic and we have been able to lean on each other for support. I have spoken with a few former colleagues and they are still at the stage where we were in the office, staring at the floor, walls and each other, not knowing what to say.

We have been through so much in our lab, but this is definitely a new experience for us, not that it is one that we had ever expected or wanted to happen upon us. He was one who was always there to help us, always putting everyone else first before himself. He had no worries and was always positive. We have been so privileged to have had him as part of our family. The term "family" has been used before, but it didn't cement in my head until yesterday that we're indeed a family.

Another perspective that has changed in my mind is age. I kept looking at his age in the news items. We keep griping about how we're so old and still in school, not out in the real world working, making money or starting a family. We're all around the same age and I kept thinking yesterday that he was so young. So we're still young, and we just have to live our lives everyday to the fullest, because we don't know when we'll be leaving this world, but at the same time, we may still have a long time at achieve all that we want in life. We should be thankful of what we have, not pining over what we don't have.

It is also nice to know that we can all rely on each other in these difficult times. Everyone has been supportive both inside and outside the group. I hope we can all find comfort in this and that his family know that we're there for them as well.